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20161001 11:06 badanov Some early Saturday morning Grouplove:

20160930 19:03 swksvolFF A lawyer, a politician, and a criminal walk into a bar, and the bartender says, "What would you like this time, Mrs. Clinton?"
20160930 03:51 Skidmark Grasshopper walks into a bar, hops up onto a stool and orders a beer.
Bartender looks up and says, "Hey! I have a drink named after you."
Grasshopper says, "Really? You have a drink named Kevin??"
20160930 00:10 trailing wife The authorities mistook Egyptian tourists for a couple of homeless guys? Ouch.
20160929 19:37 Pappy Not sure there's a punchline.

That it not only didn't go off, but it also disarmed itself when they dumped it, might be it.

I'm pretty sure that the next generation of bombs is gonna be configured to correct those deficiencies, though.
20160929 16:12 Skidmark The punchline is they already have a bunch of cookers?
20160929 07:59 Pappy So two Egyptian tourists in NYC find a nice suitcase lying on a sidewalk. They dump out the contents consisting of a pressure cooker and a phone into a garbage bag on the sidewalk and take the suitcase with them back to Egypt.

20160928 21:40 badanov Okay. thanks, swksvolFF
20160928 21:22 swksvolFF Funny.

bad, I don't know if you have a TWIG idea already, or whether appropriate or not, but an interesting video over at xbrad recreates the Tulsa shooting situation.
20160928 21:20 Skidmark If you are an American before you go into the bathroom, and an American after you come out of the bathroom, what are you when you are in the bathroom?

20160928 19:46 badanov A guy with no arms and no legs was sunning himself on the beach when some tourists from the UK walked by. First there was a pair of fair Welsh lasses. The sweet girls saw the man and said, "Oh, you poor dear, have you ever been hugged?"

"No," said the man. "I've never been hugged."

So the fair Welsh lasses each gave him a big hug.

Next, a pair of lovely English ladies walked by.

"Oh, you poor man. Have you ever been kissed?"

"No," said the man. "I've never been kissed."

So the pair of English roses each gave him a tender kiss on the lips.

In a few minutes, a bonnie Scottish lassie strolled down the beach. "Och! Ye poor lad. Have ye ever been fooked?"

"No," said the man, not believing his luck. "I've never been fooked."

"Well, laddie, you're about to be. The tide's coming in."
20160928 19:32 Pappy I wuz thinkern muscular dystrophy.
20160928 12:28 trailing wife Sorry -- Visitor is me.
20160928 12:27 Visitor ***SPAM?*** Lots of interesting articles on Drudge this morning. This is one of them:

Man arrested for berating Trump backer for 2 hours

The Trump backer is Sheriff Clarke, and the arrestee is some black man who pronounced the good sheriff "not one of us."
20160928 11:56 trailing wife Snowy Thing, The Times of Israel has been reporting about the Kaifeng Jews. They had a report earlier this year about a group of young women who are formally coverting and making aliyah. That's the kind of thing that seems to have the Chinese gov't upset.

MDS: myelodysplastic syndromes?

I also don't understand why Hillary Clinton's last words would be to Elizabeth Warren about a dry cleaner pick up, I'm afraid.

Drudge report says Trump is +4 vs. Clinton, 10,000 at his rally, Clinton panicked about the black vote...
20160927 23:25 badanov Shimon Peres has died.
20160927 20:13 badanov Delaying action near Bekatov:

20160927 19:07 Thing From Snowy Mountain I tried explaining to my Mom about how Hillary's last words are going to be "Elizabeth Warren my coat at the cleaners" but didn't succeed.

She thinks Hillary has MDS, btw.
20160927 01:28 Skidmark I'm surprised and delighted at how little I care about the debate.
20160926 23:12 badanov Some late Monday night Mothers of Invention:

20160926 17:57 Thing From Snowy Mountain Wow. The shooter in Houston turned out to be a Hindu Nuthin'.
20160926 17:26 Mullah Richard I'm coming in from the northwest, so O'Hare is actually closer unless I'm flying Southwest or some obscure Delta flight.

There IS a good deal of construction around ORD, though. Took me miles out of my way to get to my normal off-site cark park. Midway is much simpler in that regard.

I'll check out the Central Ave. route next time.

20160926 17:24 Skidmark Mom asked young Sally "What happened at school today?"
Sally said, "I saw Jonny's peepee."
Concerned, Mom asked "What did you think of that?"
Sally replied, "It reminded me of a peanut."
Relieved, Mom said, "Why, because it was just a little nubbin?"
"No", Sally replied, "Salty."
20160926 17:17 Skidmark I'm going to tailgate the debate at home.
20160926 16:16 Shipman So we tail-gating ?
20160926 09:42 3dc Closest airport requires a private jet. Not that flush. That would be DuPage airport in St Charles.
20160926 09:40 3dc From i-55 I usually take Central to W55th instead of Cicero - which I despise too.
Not saying bad things don't happen on Central - just its easier to see stuff there. Then I am coming from the west burbs so I take 355 south to 55 then the slant up to Central. Distance is shorter for me to O'Hare but it's mainly back roads and roads around O'Hare seem to be continuously under major construction.

20160926 00:49 badanov A mother had 3 virgin daughters. They were all getting married within a short time period. Because Mom was a bit worried about how their sex life would get started,
she made them all promise to send a postcard from the honeymoon with a few words on how marital sex felt.

The first girl sent a card from Hawaii two days after the wedding. The card said nothing but “Nescafe”. Mom was puzzled at first, but then went the kitchen and got out
the Nescafe jar. It said: “Good till the last drop.”

Mom blushed, but was pleased for her daughter.

The second girl sent the card from Vermont a week after the wedding, and the card read:”Benson & Hedges”. Mom now knew to go straight to her husband’s cigarettes, and
she read from the Benson & Hedges pack: “Extra long. King Size”.

She was again slightly embarrassed but still happy for her daughter.

The third girl left for her honeymoon in the Caribbean. Mom waited for a week, nothing. Another week went by and still nothing. Then after a whole month, a card
finally arrived. Written on it with shaky handwriting were the words “British Airways”.

Mom took out her latest Harper’s Bazaar magazine, flipped through the pages
fearing the worst, and finally found the ad for British Airways.

The ad said:

“Three times a day, seven days a week, both ways.”

Mom fainted.